When two people step into the boxing ring or the octagon, they position them across from one another. Face to face. It’s one vs. the other. In order for one to win, the other must lose.
Interestingly enough, the same applies in interpersonal situations…
I remember reading a psychology study back in my school days that said if you’re trying to present something that may not be well received to someone (i.e. breaking up with a girl), then it’s not smart to sit across from them.
For this results in greater defensiveness because your words feel like an attack which means there’s a greater chance for hostility (watch out for that drink to the face).
(Much better to sit side by side with them.)
I don’t know why, but that always stuck out to me (it’s weird the things you remember). And in the sales and direct response world, I’ve seen this play out over and over again...
Even though you can’t see the other person when you’re selling over the phone or when you’re writing copy, I find that people can still feel whether you’re on the opposing team or whether you’re on the same team.
If people think you’re on the opposing team, they shut down, view you as a threat, get defensive, and don’t trust you. If they think you’re on their team, then they open up like a flower, give you all the intel you need, and trust you with all that they’ve got.
The former results in a bunch of work, back and forth, friction, and not the optimal level of sales. Whereas the latter results in less work, great ease, smooth sailing, and optimal sales.
So this is why I consider being on the same team with your prospect (and making them genuinely feel that) to be one of the most important frames in sales/copy world. For it’s no longer you vs. prospect. It’s you AND the prospect on the same mission with the same objective.
Question is, how do you actually pull this off?
After all, most sales people think they’re on the same team with the prospect, but it doesn’t matter what you think. It’s what the prospect perceives/feels.
If the prospect doesn’t feel it, then you’re not on the same team. But on opposing teams (which makes your job much more difficult. Example: When buying a new iPhone from Apple, do you feel like you’re on opposing teams or on the same team? Same team. What about when a telemarketer calls you? Opposing team. What about when you go out to a nice restaurant and the server recommends a wine? Same team.).
SOOOOO, how exactly can you get the prospect to perceive you to be on the same team?
Well, the first thing you have to do is be genuine. If you’re just using this as yet another technique, then it’s not going to work. You must be genuine and truly care about your prospects. Lead with heart.
Once you truly care about your prospect, then the next thing you want to do is make a list of all the reasons why your prospect wouldn’t believe you due to your biases (If a friend of the prospect recommends a product for the prospect to buy, he buys because there’s no biases there. But if a salesperson approaches the same prospect to buy the same product and is raving about it, he’s more hesitant because there is a bias there).
An example of a reason could be: The prospect may not believe what I say about x product because I make money off the prospect if I sell him/her.
This reason (and more) will naturally put you at odds with the prospect and position the set up as it being you vs. the prospect (not what we want).
So in order to change the frame from it being you vs. prospect to you and the prospect on the same team, you have to offset your biases.
How do you do this?
Well, here’s one of my favorite examples/stories that illustrates one way to do exactly this (I’m writing this strictly off memory so I may have butchered the product lol, but the key idea remains the same):
A man was interested in buying a horse for his daughter. So he went to horse seller after horse seller. Each horse seller introduced him to a horse, told him why the horse was great, why it would make for a perfect first horse, and made their case.
They then concluded by telling the price of the horse and why the man should buy now. The man was impressed, but he told them all: "This sounds great and all, but I’ll have to sleep on it and get back to you" for a horse was no cheap investment.
Then on his way home, the man spotted one last horse seller and decided to walk in and check out what he had to offer. As he was admiring a horse like he had done at all the previous places, the owner of the place walked over to him and asked how he liked the horse...
"Looks beautiful!" said the man. "I’m looking to get my daughter her first horse!" he said with excitement.
"Ah, a first horse!" Replied the owner. "How exciting!"
Then the man asked the owner questions about the horse just like he had done at all the previous places. And the owner answered each truthfully and with great sincerity. Then the question of price naturally came up like it always does, but instead of quoting the man a price, the owner replied:
"We can always discuss the price later! Most important thing right now is to see if your daughter falls in love with this horse or not. So why don’t you take this horse home with you and keep it for the next 3 days. Then on Thursday, I’ll swing by and if your daughter has developed a liking for the horse (and vice versa), we can discuss price and handle things then. But if she hasn’t, no worries at all! I’ll happily take back the horse (free of charge) and if you’d like, I can help you look for another horse."
"That sounds GREAT!" said the man.
So he took the horse home, introduced it to his daughter who developed a liking for it right away (also harder to give up things you have/once you develop a liking - similar to kid who finds a lost puppy and asks mom "Can we keep it?") and three days later the sale was made.
The key to the sale?
All the other horse sellers approached it from the frame of it being you. Vs the prospect.
Whereas the last owner took away all biases (bias #1: you’re only telling me all this because you want to sell me a horse and make money off me. Bias #2: you don’t really care about me or my daughter) and positioned him to be on the same team as the prospect (Owners mind frame: Money is important of course, but I don’t just care about making money off you! I care about making sure your daughter finds a horse she truly loves and develops a bond with (what the father wanted as well), so why don’t you take it home for 3 days free of charge?)
And that made allllllll the difference.
So it’s this type of thinking you need to employ to make the ultimate sales frame work for you, instead of against you (truthfully this isn’t even a ‘frame’ or anything - it’s just being a genuine human being who truly gives a F)
Another example of how I’ve personally applied this:
When I first created my copywriting course 6 Figure Promotions, I created it because I genuinely experienced what this 3-step system did for my copy skills and wanted to share it with others who wanted to quickly learn how to write copy that converts…
… but I also knew nobody would believe that.
They would think I was just yapping BS and created it to make money. So whatever sales points I made about the course, people wouldn’t FULLY believe them because they would think I’m only saying that because I want to make the sale/get their $$$. So naturally they would still carry within them the seeds of doubt which would position the frame as it being me vs. the prospect which I didn’t want…
(… BECAUSE I GENUINELY wanted to get this course into the hands of the people who needed it the most.)
So how could I change this frame? Well, I truthfully didn’t need the money from the course (since I made my money from applying the copy conception system), so I came up with the following:
Either pay me for the course or donate the cost of the course to ANY charity of YOUR choice!
This way I eliminated all the bias on my end and positioned myself to be on the same team as the prospect (My mind frame: "I didn’t create this course to make money off you, but to truly help you. To prove it to you, you can get it without even paying me a single penny. Donate money to any charity of your choice and I’ll enroll you!")
AS A RESULT:
People put their guard down, took in why they should enroll in the course with full believability, and enrolled with great ease.
All because I switched the frame from being me vs. the prospect to me and the prospect being on the same team with the same mission (to help them learn copy using a proven system they could use to make max $$$ - which was what they truly wanted).
Such is ONE reason why 6 Figure Promotions has become one of the leading copywriting courses on Money Tweeter (other more important reason is because it actually works lol).
But that’s beside the point.
Point here is instead of always going head to head in battle with your prospects and selling with friction, why don’t you make your job 10x easier by taking a step back and asking yourself:
"How can I go from sitting across from the prospect to sitting side-by-side with him/her?"
The answer(s) to this question houses all the gold!
Your friend,
/tej
p.s. If you’re at all curious, you can STILL enroll in 6 Figure Promotions by either paying me directly by using this link here or donating the cost of the course to ANY charity of your choice! :-)
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