When I first started to leave the known and experience the unknown, I remember entering a spiritual group and leaving with all sorts of thoughts:
“This is bullshit.”
“I don’t need this.”
“My money is better spent elsewhere.”
“I don’t get it.”
“These people are weird…”
But lucky for me… I knew something about the human psyche that would allow me to weather the initial storm, continue with the group for 6 years, and completely transform my life from the inside out.
What did I know?
You cannot trust the psyche when it makes contact with the unknown.
Read and reread that again.
It’s a secret that could save you years of false starts.
Why is it such a big secret?
Because the psyche isn’t really interested in growth and development or success and good fortune. It’s interested in preservation, safety, and what is known. So whenever you leave the familiar shore in search of greener pastures, you are bound to make contact with the unknown.
This contact will usually lead to the psyche “glitching” out in an attempt to maintain the safe and the familiar.
Problem is:
If you listen to it, then you’ll retreat and turn your back on the very thing that could’ve fundamentally transformed your life.
(Fun fact I learned the hard way: The things the psyche resists the most initially are the things that usually hold the power to transform you the most. Funny how that works lol)
If, on the other hand, you know better and you allow the psyche to glitch out without putting too much weight on what it’s saying, then you remain open and stand a fighting chance of experiencing real transformation.
Helping you align with the latter way instead of the former way is the entire purpose of this email because this doesn’t just apply to the inner journey.
It applies to pretty much every area of life.
Take business for example:
When you first get exposed to the possibility of making the prettiest of pennies online, the familiar psyche is usually full with excitement.
It thinks about the freedom of not having a boss, being able to work from anywhere, and generating tens of thousands of dollars a month. Or whatever.
This “excitement” gives you the initial fuel to “learn” so you pick up direct response books, come up with a product/service idea, and start preparing your ads/outreach/content/whatever to validate demand.
But then what usually happens when it actually comes time to launch?
The psyche is starting to leave the “familiar” shore of safety and predictability and enter the unpredictable waters of the unknown.
At this point, the psyche will typically try to “fool” you by coming up with all sorts of thoughts, judgments, and opinions.
“Now isn’t the right time to launch ads…”
“This is a scam.”
“What if I lose all my money?”
“This isn’t going to work, maybe I should choose a different business model.”
“Nobody buys from a Facebook ad/cold email/whatever anyways”
“I’m no good at this…”
“The market is too saturated…”
“It’s not worth applying myself to direct response… AI is overtaking everything anyways…”
And on and on it goes.
If you trust these thoughts, you’re fucked.
If, on the other hand, you allow the thoughts but don’t take them seriously, you remain open to the unknown and stand a fighting chance of having the unknown cook and transform you.
(All success/growth comes from the unknown, not the known.)
Or take relationships as the example:
Maybe you want to find a girlfriend or whatever. So you sit down and fantasize about the type of girl you want. This “excitement” gives you the initial fuel to put yourself out there and develop your social skills.
But then what usually happens when you’re out and about and make eye contact with a pretty girl?
The psyche is starting to leave the “familiar” shore of safety and predictability and enter the unpredictable waters of the unknown.
At this point, the psyche will typically try to “fool” you by coming up with all sorts of thoughts, judgments, and opinions.
“I cannot talk to her, she seems like she is in a rush…”
“I don’t have a fresh haircut…”
“I’m dressed like a slob…”
“There’s too many people around…”
“What if she rejects me?”
And on and on it goes.
If you trust these thoughts, you’re fucked.
If, on the other hand, you allow the thoughts but don’t take them seriously, you remain open to the unknown and stand a fighting chance of having the unknown cook and transform you.
(All success/growth comes from the unknown, not the known.)
Or take health/fitness as the example:
Maybe you want to get into better shape. So you sit down and start reading threads on tweeter about optimizing your health and fitness. This “excitement” gives you the initial fuel to create a diet, workout routine, and come up with goals of losing x lbs.
But then what usually happens on day 2 or day 12 or day 25 of following your new habits and routines?
The psyche is starting to leave the “familiar” shore of safety and predictability and enter the unpredictable waters of the unknown.
At this point, the psyche will typically try to “fool” you by coming up with all sorts of thoughts, judgments, and opinions.
“I don’t see any change in the mirror… this is pointless.”
“I’m just going to regain the weight anyways, so what’s the point?”
“I don’t think this exercise program is the best, I need something else…”
“Maybe I can just have 1 cookie as a treat today…”
“You can skip today’s workout, you have a busy day at work…”
And on and on it goes.
If you trust these thoughts, you’re fucked.
If, on the other hand, you allow the thoughts but don’t take them seriously, you remain open to the unknown and stand a fighting chance of having the unknown cook and transform you.
(All success/growth comes from the unknown, not the known.)
Get the point?
Hopefully you do because whenever the psyche makes contact with the unknown, it will glitch out and your mental chatter will go into overdrive with all sorts of thoughts, opinions, and preferences.
(You can always tell that you’re entering the unknown whenever you start to experience a rise in anxious/“controlling”/pessismistic thoughts. Contrary to perceived opinions, these aren’t ‘bad’ things, but ‘signs’ that you’re stretching yourself out of your familiar box)
But the purpose of these thoughts isn’t to feed you the truth (like it wants you to believe).
The purpose of these thoughts is to get you to retreat and go back to the warmth, safety, and comfort of your familiar world.
Knowing this ahead of time will allow you to better navigate this stage of the journey and actually make it through onto the other side.
Or at least…
That’s the hope if your goal truly is growth and development.
So with all that being said, the question now becomes:
If you cannot trust your own psyche during the initial stages of starting something new (day 0 to ~180-365), then who and what can you trust?
This is a good question because you obviously need something to trust in order to hold on long enough to reach “escape velocity”.
What is that something?
I don’t know what that something will be for you, but here’s the three things that I put my trust in (during the early stages of starting anything new).
It’s worth noting that if I have 3/3 of these things dialed, then I almost always reach escape velocity and achieve the growth/development that I was seeking.
If I have 0 or 1 of these things, then I’m usually fucked.
If I have 2, it’s usually good enough to make life changing progress.
So here they are:
#1. My commitment/vision/mission
This one seems obvious and sometimes kind of cheesy when people tell you that you need a compelling enough “why” for getting out of bed in the morning, but I found it to be true.
When your psyche makes contact with the unknown and starts glitching out in an attempt to send you back to the known… you need to have a burning desire for lost treasure that is bigger than the comfort of a warm bed or a dark and cozy womb or a tight and wet vajayjay.
Otherwise you’ll seek the familiar.
So what are the best types of lost treasure to seek?
I don’t know.
I’ve used different forms at different points in my life.
When I first started my online business journey, the lost treasure that I was seeking was time/location/financial freedom. This was rooted in the desire to never work for anybody else because for whatever reason I just couldn’t stand that thought. It made me nauseous. So the vision of living life on my own terms gave me the initial fuel to stomach the discomfort that came from the “awkward phase” of learning direct response marketing/online sales plus the “painful phase” of chewing on glass aka working with clients in all different time zones from sun up to sun down.
On the other hand:
When I first started my inner spiritual journey, the lost treasure that I was seeking was the truth about myself and reality. This was rooted in the suffering that comes from achieving a lot of what you wanted externally, but sitting in your fancy home with all the nice toys and still feeling more or less the same internally. For whatever reason, I couldn’t shake this feeling. It made me feel like I was missing the mark and only in touch with one side of the coin to life. So the longing of awakening to something deeper and more precious gave me the initial fuel to stomach the discomfort that came from opening up my consciousness, making the unconscious conscious, and feeling the painful feelings to completion (that were clouding my view and splitting my awareness from objective reality).
If the longing wasn’t greater than the discomfort, then I would’ve listened to my familiar psyche and retreated.
Both times.
Fortunately for me, I didn’t.
Even though I wanted to. Many times.
So that’s the first anchor I put my trust in.
Now onto the second:
#2. An “external” teacher/guide/system/process/map that knows the way out
Whenever I start something new, I kind of view it as if I’m stuck in jail. And I don’t know my way out. My familiar thought patterns, behaviors, and habits are what put me in jail. So if I continue to listen to myself, then I’m likely to stay in jail aka my current situation because I can only recreate the past by listening to myself.
So what am I to do?
Well, the smart thing to do is for me to find an “external” teacher/guide/system/process/map/whatever that knows the way out, so I can “turn off my brain” and simply follow directions.
This way “something outside of my familiar psyche” is leading the way and the odds of me experiencing something new go through the roof.
Not only that, but it’s easy to give up on yourself. It’s harder to give up on somebody else. So by having an external teacher in your corner, you can make it through the harder days because a good teacher has felt exactly what you’re feeling and knows what to do/say to help you stomach the doubt and keep moving forward.
So what are the best types of teachers/guides/systems/processes/maps to follow?
I don’t know.
I’ve used different forms at different points in my life.
When I first started my online business journey, I made a list of 50 direct response marketers/online entrepreneurs that I assumed were making the type of money I wanted to make and fired off a cold email asking to apprentice underneath them for free. Most didn’t respond. A few returned my email. 1 accepted.
Then began the ‘hard work’ of having this individual give me weekly direction/guidance/projects/feedback that ran pretty much contrary to what my psyche wanted.
But because I was stuck and in jail and this individual was out and free… I couldn’t go along with my psyche.
So I ignored my thoughts/feelings and listened to him and made it through the steep learning curve.
On the other hand:
When I first started my inner spiritual journey for real (after 9 years of meditating daily for 20 minutes/day), I was fortunate enough to stumble into a spiritual school for self realization that was on the cutting edge of reality. Through this school, I found a teacher.
Then began the ‘hard work’ of having this individual give me weekly direction/guidance/explorations/feedback that ran pretty much contrary to what my psyche wanted (i.e. “No, I don’t want to feel my feeeeeeeeelings!!!!)
But because I was stuck and in jail and this individual was out and free… I couldn’t go along with my psyche.
So I ignored my thoughts/feelings and listened to her and made it through the steep learning curve.
If the external teacher wasn’t present and all I had to rely on was my own brain, then I would’ve listened to my familiar psyche and retreated back into the world of the known.
Both times.
Fortunately for me, I didn’t.
Even though I wanted to. Many times.
So that’s the second anchor I put my trust in.
Now onto the third:
#3. The market or Reality/Life itself
Your commitment gets you started.
A good external teacher helps illuminate the way and puts you directly in touch with the immediacy aka the market/reality itself.
But then it’s ultimately your trust in the market or Reality/Life itself that carries you towards infinite glory.
Without this direct relationship aka playing ping pong with reality, you don’t receive the required feedback you need to iterate.
So opening yourself up to life itself and trusting what you’re experiencing more than your own thoughts is critical.
Question is:
What are the best examples of trusting the market/life?
I don’t know.
I’ve experienced different forms at different points in my life.
When I first started my online business journey, I was taught not to trust myself, but to trust the market. It doesn’t matter if you think the copy is good. It doesn’t matter what your friend thinks. It doesn’t matter what your girl thinks. All that matters is what the market thinks. Did the market respond by pulling out their wallet or not? If so, what’s the conversion rate? How can you improve it? If they didn’t buy, why not? Figure out the root cause and iterate, iterate, iterate.
On the other hand:
When I first started my inner spiritual journey, I was taught not to trust my mind, but to trust what was organically “arising” in my awareness. It doesn’t matter if it’s uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if it’s painful. It doesn’t matter if it’s outside your wheelhouse. All that matters is can you stay with your unfolding experience without judging it? If you can, then Reality/Life itself is leading the way and will bring you home (in due time). If you cannot, then become curious about what gets in the way and digest the obstacles so you can find your way again.
If this direct relationship with the market/reality wasn’t present and all I had to rely on was my own subjective world, then I would’ve listened to my familiar psyche for direction and retreated back into the world of the known.
Both times.
Fortunately for me, I didn’t.
Even though I wanted to. Many times.
So that’s the third and last anchor I put my trust in.
The question now becomes…
Why exactly am I sharing all this with you?
Am I sharing this to butter you up/set the optimal pre-frame so I can now turn around and sell you a process or “coaching”?
Lol nope (nothing wrong with that, but not the point of this email).
I’m writing and sharing this email because every now and then I’ll have a conversation with a loved one, stranger, customer, or friend…
And I can sense that they’re starting to leave the known and make contact with the unknown (which is fantastic! It’s only by entering the unknown that you can achieve extreme growth/success).
But as this happens…
They usually start to experience a rise in anxiety, fear, doubt, judgment, anger, frustration, impatience, whatever.
And THEN because we ‘judge’ these emotions to be ‘bad’... they’ll unconsciously start listening/taking direction on what to do from the same psyche/identity/personality/self image that they’re ultimately trying to change/break free from.
This, in return, makes them go the “wrong way” and brings them right back into the land of the known (to mitigate the above tension).
Consequence of this of course is:
It robs them of everything they’ve ever wanted.
Seeing this happen time and time again fucking sucks.
Especially with ‘smart’ people who use their overly developed psyche to talk themselves “out” of adventure and “into” being a coward.
So writing this email was my attempt to clarify this inner pattern so hopefully you don’t listen to your (familiar) self when you enter the unknown and actually make it onto the other side.
On that note, this email is officially a wrap.
Thanks for reading.
Your friend,
/tej
p.s. I wrote this email, but I struggle with this too. Truth is, I still find myself retreating back to the known many times. But it’s about 51% less than before. This, in return, has made a HUGE difference. So don’t try to be perfect. Just aim to be better.
p.p.s. How exactly can you stop listening to yourself? By becoming aware of your thoughts, allowing them to come and go, and viewing the majority of them to be faulty code/subtitles from the past that have nothing to do with the movie playing before you in the here and now. Place more of your awareness in the moment. Less in the mind.
Thank you Tej! I couldnt access the 75Heart telegram link. Can you reshare