Become Who You're Scared To Be

All growth lives in the shadows

When I was a kid, I had a lot of rage.

One day my mom looked at me with concern and said:

“Tej… you’re so angry, I think you can kill somebody.”

After that day, I didn’t show my rage anymore.

I bit my tongue, caged the fire, and let it burn slowly inside… to the point that it went completely underground until I lost all contact.

Then I grew up and got bigger dreams.

But with these dreams came tasks… not ordinary tasks that kept me hidden inside the walls of my comfort zone. But extraordinary tasks that required me to stretch beyond my self image.

Only issue?

I couldn’t do it because to stretch would mean to expand and to expand would mean to come alive and to come alive would mean to make contact with my rage and to make contact with my rage would mean to retrigger the same old painful wound.

So instead of doing that and becoming who I was scared to become, I remained the same (aka asleep).

Consequences of this?

Life fucking sucked. Not sucked in the “oh this tea is a little too lukewarm, but it’s not so bad” type of way. But in the “I cannot stand living another day in the same old way!!!” type of way.

Yet be that as it may…

Without (sustained) rage, you cannot really change.

Or at least, I couldn’t.

So instead of changing and stepping into my true glory, I pretty much became the physical embodiment of the quote “most men live lives of quiet desperation” (ouch).

In other words: I opened my eyes in the morning just to count how many hours on the clock remained until I could go to sleep again.

And between me and you…

This way of life (obviously) sucked because you’re not really living, but drifting in between the waking and sleep state (side note: Read the book ‘Outwitting The Devil Within’ by Napoleon Hill if you catch yourself drifting too).

Meaning: Yes you put up an effort, but you’re not really playing to win (that would require you to be in touch with the fire in your heart).

Instead:

You’re “efforting” just enough to get by aka to keep the stitching on the inner wounds intact, so they don’t open up…

… and make you bleed out to death.

(Maintaining current shitty life > Taking the necessary risks to birth the life you actually want to live)

Again, a horrible way to live. But a way I unconsciously clung onto for far too long. Until I didn’t.

So, what changed?

Many things, but the most important was:

I stopped running away from myself (not because I wanted to, but because I realized it just doesn’t work). Instead, I started leaning into myself by ignoring the fire alarms of the mind (that kept my familiar world intact) and asking myself:

Who am I scared to become and what actually happens when I become who I’m scared to be?

This question was the beginning of the end because now I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t hide anymore. I couldn’t live with bandages anymore.

No.

I was forced to leave behind the life of quiet desperation (the land of the known) and actually take a step into my real life (the land of the unknown).

By doing so:

I learned something quite funny.

What did I learn?

I spent my entire life being scared to become x, but nothing in my life changed until I became x…

… and actually experienced what happened as a result.

Because what happened was completely different than what my mind told me would happen.

What my mind told me would happen: The world would end. Everything would fall apart. Unbearable pain would ensue. And all that I love would leave me.

What actually happened: I came alive.

And with the liberation of this life force, I started to awaken in the morning with a vigor I had never known before. And through the channeling of this vigor, I went from efforting to maintain to playing to win. And this in return started to (and continues to) change everything.

Not just internally, but externally (with my business building/copywriting career).

So with all that noted, maybe just maybe the same applies to you?

In other words:

Maybe the direct path from point A (where you are now) to point B (where you want to be) isn’t about doing more of the same, but waking up and meeting parts of yourself that you’re scared to meet let alone become?

I don’t know, but that was true for me.

To determine if it’s true for you, ask yourself the following:

Who am I scared to become and what actually happens when I become who I’m scared to be?

Note #1: The second question is answered through life experiences and not by the mind.

Note #2: To make it more powerful, you can apply this question to different areas of your life (that need growth):

Who am I scared to become in business and what actually happens financially when I become who I’m scared to be?

Who am I scared to become in my relationship and what actually happens romantically when I become who I’m scared to be?

Who am I scared to become in my daily life and what actually happens internally when I become who I’m scared to be?

Chances are you may find these questions give you the answers you need to complete the puzzle of growth and unleash a whole new level of development and transformation.

Or maybe not.

I don’t know.

But give it a shot and allow your life experiences to be the answer?

That’s all for me today.

Your friend,

/tej